There are someschools of meditationthat are more austere than others, where meditators are encouraged to sit in absolute stillness for the duration, in order to facilitate the mind reaching deeper levels of stillness.
And that is a wonderful ideal to aspire to.
However, we often find ourselves unable to live up to ideal scenarios—and in meditation, as with many other situations, it is better to do the best we can than to do nothing at all.
We start out with a straight spine; ideally, sitting upright, which facilitates greater levels of alertness throughout—but lying down is okay when back issues prevent comfortable sitting. However, over the course of our sit, we may find that we’ve slumped, and it is better to deliberately and mindfully correct that than to remain “still” in our slumped position.
We may also develop some discomfort in the position, which would be eased by a slight shifting. This is where more austere traditions might encourage us to sit with and through the discomfort. Others see the discomfort as a distraction that takes our attention away from our breath,mantra,or other point of focus. When we gently shift ourselves into a more comfortable position, we can bring our attention more fully back to our meditation, instead of our physical discomfort.
This does not invalidate our practice.If we are gentle with ourselves and allow ourselves slight movements when necessary, we are more likely to stick with the practice long-term. And also, with practice, we may find it easier to sit completely still for longer periods.
On the contrary, intending to sit without moving for the duration of our meditation puts us under pressure and is more likely to increase our sense of restlessness than to ease it.
So, shift your bum, scratch your nose, cough, yawn, or sneeze. And then—as you do with your constant wandering mind—bring your attention back to thepresent moment.And, if need be, do it multiple times.
Simply be gentle with yourself and do your best. With time and practice, it will all get easier.
I am usually wary of “life-changing” claims. But when it comes to meditation, I can confidently assert that—given regular practice—five minutes a day can change things.
It’s widely accepted now among Western medicine practitioners that meditation isn’t “woo-woo.” It has been shown, over and over, toimprove our physical, mental and emotional well-being.
But people who practice it daily don’t need scientists to tell us the benefits. We keep it up because we notice the difference in ourselves—and we want to maintain that.
And while a minimum of 20 minutes is usually recommended, for those who can’t seem to find a 20 minute window for stillness, meditation isn’t something you need to rule out.
Even just a few minutes is worth doing.
Think of meditation as a mental (and emotional) fitness regime. And, similarly to getting physically fit, the fitness builds gradually.
When we meditate, lots of things are happening in our bodies and minds that we aren’t consciously aware of: we release stress; we cleanse ourselves of toxic thoughts and emotions.
But (and here’s the snag) we aren’t consciously aware of that process at the time. What we’re conscious of is focusing our attention (on our breath or maybe amantra) followed by the intrusion of thoughts. Then we refocus our intention until we again notice the intrusion of thoughts—lather, rinse and repeat until the time is up.
That is whatwedo during meditation.
But while we are doing that—and although it often doesn’t feel like that at all—our bodies and minds are getting a chance to relax. And when they relax, they release suppressed sh*t that is causing us unease (and leads to the development of dis-ease).
This letting go happens in a place we call“The Gap”—the space between one thought and the next. A space our ego minds can’t perceive. A space that’s usually quite minute. But during meditation, by focusing our attention on our mantra or breath, we temporarily block out other thoughts—just for a little bit—which enables our minds to become quieter than normal. That stretches our time in the gap, imperceptibly, giving our minds and bodies that opportunity for rest, relaxation and to release what isn’t serving us well.
And we do that multiple times throughout the meditation—so the repetitive process of noticing our mind has wandered off is not a sign of failure. It’s simply a sign that we’re no longer in the gap, and it’s time to refocus our attention so we can slip back in there and get another dose of healing.
Don’t bother trying to chase that place of stillness though—your ego mind won’t find it. Just keep bringing your attention back to the present every time you notice it has wandered off. That’s the process of meditation—do that and allow your body and mind to benefit naturally.
Over time, when practiced daily, we start to notice differences.
If we’re meditating for 20 minutes twice a day, we’ll notice those benefits quicker than if we’re doing five minutes once a day. That stands to reason.
But, because the benefits are cumulative, it’s still worth doing just a few minutes if that’s all we can spare today. It helps us to build on yesterday’s practice and it increases the likelihood that we’ll keep it up, instead of abandoning the practice altogether.
As with anything, we get out of it what we put in, so ideally sit for 20 to 30 minutesif you can.
But remember that every five minutes counts.
You can steal five minutes for yourself in your car before you leave work in the evening, in the toilet mid-afternoon or right after you get the kids out the door to schoolbeforeyou launch into your long to-do list.
And when we take five minutes for ourselves to stop and quiet our minds, many people feel more invigorated and focused when they resume their normal activities afterward. Noticing the difference a few minutes makes has the knock-on effect of encouraging us to do it more—and even to start carving out longer periods of time for our practice.
The magic of taking five minutes for ourselves is self-care in the present and improved well-being in the future. Surely that’s worth trying out?
It’s used to deflect questions or concerns around the readiness or perfection of a situation. We say it to get people off our backs. And we say it to convince ourselves it’s ok to proceed despite a lack of preparation.
Sometimes things will be grand anyway. Other times it won’t be grand at all and we will rue our lackadaisical approach.
I am still lamenting my lack of preparation for my recent move. It was my sixth move since I sold my house in 2006. Anyone would think I do it for fun. I don’t.
I hate moving. Moving house is stressful. It is widely agreed that moving house is high up on the list of stressful events in our lives. Although it is an acute stressor rather than a chronic one, it can be considerably disruptive for weeks, or even months. The thing is, how disruptive it ends up being is largely down to how we approach it.
Over the years—and the moves—I have learned how to do it right. The problem is, despite knowing better, I don’t always do it right. On this last occasion I was pretty disorganised. And the disorganisation and ensuing chaos, along with a cold that hit me right in the middle of the move, left me whacked for the next ten days. And four weeks later, I still have a couple of boxes to unpack and declutter.
Although I knew what I needed to be doing in advance of the move, I kept putting it on the long finger until I eventually ran out of time. I put it off because I was (genuinely) busy and tired, but mostly because I dreaded the doing of it. Postponing it didn’t save me the task, it just made it more stressful to complete on time.
The thing is, I know this is another temporary move. I don’t know when or where the next one will be, but I’m not in my forever home yet. And the next time, I want to do it right. I want to minimise the impact a chaotic move will have on my physical, mental and emotional energy.
So I’ve decided to write down my own guidelines, for easy reference—to help imprint them more indelibly on my subconscious and to ensure that next time I follow them.
If you have an impending move, may they be of help to you:
1. Do an audit of all your furniture.
What do you have?
What do you need?
What do you love?
What will fit in to/with your new home?
Put simply, look at each individual item and honestly assess whether it needs to come with you. If it doesn’t, then what? Organize ahead of moving day for it to make its way to its new home, whether that’s a friend, a charity shop or a car boot sale.
2. Start packing well in advance and declutter as you go.
Leaving packing to the last minute will often result in everything having to be hauled to the new place before there is time to mindfully sort through all your books, clothes, cds, handbags, makeup, shoes, trinkets, jewellery, art and craft supplies, outdoor adventure gear and chipped crockery. This means more stuff to move, more time to move it and more time to unpack at the other end. (And the decluttering will still have to be done.)
3. Outsource as much as you can afford.
Cleaning, for example. When we’re moving out, almost without exception, we need to leave our old home shining like a new pin. And while it’s reasonable to expect our new home to be in that condition, it isn’t always the case. Sometimes—typically the case for me—we need to clean both our old and new homes. The need to clean before I can begin to make a new place feel anything sanctuary-like has reduced me to tears on more than one move. In the midst of packing, moving and unpacking mania, the need to clean as well can be overwhelming. So, consider hiring somebody to help ease that pain—and book them well ahead of schedule.
4. Get a man with a van.
No matter how many friends offer to help with car-loads, they can’t compensate for the difference a van that can fit all your furniture—and a strong man (or two) to lift it—will make to the whole proceedings. Having said that, gratefully and promptly accept all help offered by friends and make a plan for what they will help with and when. Winging it on the day could see you with less help available than if you had jumped all over the offer the second it was made.
5. Label all your boxes.
What’s in them and what room are they going to?
To some this would seem obvious and to others it would seem superfluous. Let me tell you, obvious is the right answer! Failing to do this can result in disastrous and time-consuming searches for needed essentials at the other end—contributing to feelings of overwhelm and the desire to cry.
6. Prepare the two most important boxes.
Put your overnight things—duvet, pillows, sheets, toiletries, pajamas, clean socks and underwear—into one box and your kettle, cups, tea/coffee, milk and snacks into another.
Unload the kettle/snack box first. Unload the overnight box second—you don’t want to be facing the need to make up the bed after you have run out of steam. As soon as you’ve fortified yourself with a cup of tea, make up the bed so that you’re ready to climb into it and fall into a well-earned sleep, at a moment’s notice.
Once these two tasks are complete, the rest of the unpacking can begin.
7. Get a takeaway menu for a selection of restaurants close to your new home.
You aren’t going to have the time, energy or clear worktop space to prepare home-cooked meals. And you’re going to need the fuel to keep the unpacking going.
Our homes are supposed to be our own personal sanctuaries—a place where we can relax and revive our drooping spirits and tired bodies. An organized house move will speed up the transition of a new house or apartment into our own restful retreat.
Happy moving to you. Follow these tips and it will all be grand.
We had a full moon at the start of this week, and the energy of the full moon can be supportive in consciously choosing to release what no longer serves us.
Having said that, we don’t need to wait until the moon is full to do that either.
On Sunday evening the full moon inspired me to share a simple meditation to help release uneasiness around issues that may be troubling you. Use this any time you feel the need.
The simple answer to this question is: yes.Meditationcan help you deal with your anxiety better, and it can gradually lead to reduced levels of anxiety.
The slightly less simple answer is: it depends!
There are no guarantees with this practice. Everyone has a different experience with meditation, because we all have different and unique life experiences—and associated traumas to release and heal.
But, an improvement in regards to anxietyis one of the manydocumented benefits of meditation, and there is a simple reason for this: during meditation, our body undergoes changes that are the direct opposite of the changes that occur during thefight-or-flight response.
>> When stressed and anxious, our breath becomes shallow and rapid.
>> During meditation, our breath becomes slower and deeper.
>> When stressed and anxious, our heart rate speeds up.
>> During meditation, our heart rate slows down.
>> When stressed and anxious, our bodies become ready to either fight or run for our lives.
>> During meditation, our bodies relax—allowing them to slowly begin the process of releasing a lifetime of suppressed emotions and pent-up hurts.
With daily practice, even for just short periods of time, meditation offers our bodies and minds some self-healing. In time, they start to become accustomed to being the opposite of stressed and anxious.
The associated increase of self-awareness—one of the other, many, documentedmeditation benefits—helps us to notice what triggers the fight-or-flight response in us. With awareness, we can avoid going deeper down into the rabbit hole. We can catch ourselves mid-response, choose to take some deep breaths, and pull ourselves back to a more centered place.
With regular practice, this can lead to a significant reduction in our levels of stress and anxiety.
As stated earlier, there are no guarantees—but the most common experience is an improvement.
Advice for those who are experiencing severe levels of anxiety:
>> It is best to start with shorter periods of practice—5 to 10 minutes once a day. This is to avoid overwhelm and practice releasing suppressed emotions in a slow and gradual manner.
>> Do not stop taking medications because you’ve decided to take up meditation. (This is super important!)
>> Consult your doctor before you begin and when you want to start increasing your periods of practice.
>> Many therapists now incorporate meditation into their practices, and it can be useful to look out for this if looking for a therapist to support you.
Don’t be concerned that a few minutes a day won’t be effective. Baby steps to developing new habits can be more effective than trying to take big leaps. With meditation, frequency matters.A few minutes every daywill be more beneficial to us in the long run, more so than long but irregular sessions.
A little bit, day by day, is a safe way to release our mental and emotional stresses.
One of the top reasons why people give up onmeditationis the belief that their minds are too busy—therefore, it is not working for them.
Because meditation is (rightly) billed as a process of quieting our minds, there is a widespread misconception that it should result in still minds. And for most people, their actual experience is far from stillness.
It’s more common to experience abusy mindthan a still one during meditation—and that’s okay. It doesn’t mean that we’re not doing it right, or that it’s not working. It happens because that’s simply the nature of our minds.
In meditation, we practice quieting our minds by giving it something very particular to focus on, like our breath or amantra.Gradually, our minds quieten down until we do reach moments of stillness. In the stillness, stress that has been held in our bodies—which can be physical, mental, or emotional stress—is released.
Sometimes we have a conscious awareness of that release through a physical sensation, and sometimes we don’t. But regardless of whether we notice it physically or not, the release of stressisan activity in our bodies. And that activity will trigger an activity in our minds—a thought.
So, thoughts arise naturally during mediation as we release long-held stress. The practice requires us to noticethat our minds have become busy once again and to bring our focus back to quieting them once more. We repeat this process continually for the duration of our sit.
Therefore, frequently noticing that our minds keep wandering off does not mean that we’re not meditating correctly—quite the opposite.
Whether or not our time sitting in meditation feels restful, it is offering our bodies and minds the opportunity to release what needs to go. It is a time of self-healing, and some people notice the healing effects more quickly than others. That depends on many factors, and it doesn’t help to compare our experiences with that of others.
The important thing is to be patient enough with ourselves and our own practice—and to continue doing it, even if the benefits aren’t immediately evident to us.The benefitsaccrue gradually, and with regular practice, they do begin to make themselves more apparent.
Noticing and releasing our thoughts is all part of the practice. Make your peace with that and trust the process.
Love is available to all of us, whether or not we happen to be in a romantic relationship right now.
Yet, thanks to the commercialism surrounding Valentine’s Day, many people feelunlovedon the one day of the year set aside to celebrate love.
Feelings of loneliness, grief, and regret can be amplified. Memories of good times with old lovers can be stirred up, bringing painful emotions with them.
And, while we may not welcome these feelings, it is more than okay to experience them. We don’t need to suppress them or numb ourselves through food, alcohol, a one-night stand, or Netflix bingeing.
The most helpful thing we can do for ourselves when these feelings arise is to simply be with them. When we allow ourselves to fully feel our emotions, they disperse. When we suppress them, we hold onto them in our physical bodies—and they will be triggered to arise again and again, until we finally allow them to fully emerge.
To help release these trapped emotions, try practicingmetta, the Buddhistloving-kindness meditation.This is a meditation to help us increase our own self-love, as well as to send love to others—and not just those we most care about.
It’s a five-stage meditation, whereby we bring different people to mind. For each person, we consider the qualities we admire in them, and then we send them loving energy.
The usual format is to start with ourselves, then move on to a person close to us, followed by a person with whom we are acquainted but not close to. The fourth stage, the hardest, is to send loving-kindness to someone we’re experiencing difficulty with, and the final stage is to send love to all beings.
For Valentine’s Day, I suggest adopting this meditation to send love to all those people we have loved, both romantically and platonically, including those who are no longer in our lives.
Begin with yourself, because this is the foundation.
When we fill ourselves up with our own love, we are better able to send love out to others. So, allow yourself to feel appreciation for your best qualities. If this is difficult, then silently recite the followingmantrato yourself:
May I be well.
MayI be happy.
May I be peaceful.
May I be loved.
Next, move on to all those who you currently love.
Allow all of your loved ones to come into your consciousness, and silently express your appreciation and gratitude to them. And use this mantra to send them all loving-kindness:
May you be well.
Mayyou be happy.
May you be peaceful.
May you be loved.
For the third stage, bring to mind your past lovers.
Remember why you loved them, and focus on that, rather than the reasons your relationship fell apart. Of course this may be difficult, and if it is, then go straight to the mantra.
May you be well.
Mayyou be happy.
May you be peaceful.
May you be loved.
For the fourth stage, bring to mind anyone you’re currently having difficulties with.
This may be someone you’re currently involved with romantically, but there’s conflict in the relationship. It may be someone you’ve recently broken up with, and there’s still lots of anger between you. Or, there might not be any romantic association with this person. It doesn’t matter—if you can, bring to mind qualities in this person that youdoadmire and appreciate. If that’s too difficult, then simply use the mantra to send them well wishes.
May you be well.
Mayyou be happy.
May you be peaceful.
May you be loved.
Lastly, send loving-kindness out to all those who are struggling emotionally today.
For those who are coming to terms with a recent breakup. For those who are grieving the passing of their life partner. For those who are experiencing unrequited love. For those who do not know how to love themselves:
According to studies, while 75 percent of people hold to their resolutions past one week, that number drops to 64 percent past one month—and only 46 percent are still making progress with them half-way into the year.
It’s a familiar problem, but why is it that we can’t maintain our commitment to ourselves?
The obvious answer would be lack of willpower or self-discipline. Or putting the needs of others ahead of our own.
But I believe it goes even deeper than that. I believe it comes from the energy and core motivation that underlies the goal—is it one of self-worth or self-loathing?
For those who always find themselves abandoning their resolutions before February has arrived, there’s an alternative way to go. It requires a bit of self-exploration at the outset, but it sets us up to more easily stay true to our own personal intentions.
In the long run, it makes it easier for us to persist in honoring ourselves when distractions and challenges arise.
Have you heard of the Word for the Year phenomenon?
In a nutshell, it’s choosing a single word that best encapsulates the essence of what we’d like to achieve or experience over the course of the coming year.
It’s a word that focuses our energy and acts as a constant reminder of who it is we’d like to be.
It’s the perfect antidote to failed resolutions.
Its simplicity is genius—and highly effective. The key, however, is in the careful selection of just the right word to take us from where are now to where we’d like to be.
That process is not always straight forward, but is worth some patience when we don’t find the word coming to us easily.
So, how do you select your own word for the year?
Make a list of your goals, resolutions, intentions.
Look them over and reflect on the core motivation or desire that underlies each one. What will they help you feel?
Who will they help you be?
With clarity over what you want to experience and achieve—and why—the next step is to ask yourself, what trait do you need to gift yourself this year to support you in this journey? Courage perhaps? Or focus?
Make a note of single words that come to mind as you reflect on the essence of what you want. Allow them all to come—a long list is okay for now.
For inspiration, you’re looking for positive, expansive words like:
Review the long list and circle any that stir up a bodily response when you consider them. Armed now with a short list, you’re getting closer to your word.
Spend some time—even a few days—contemplating each of these words. Keep them in a place where you’ll see them frequently. And wait, patiently, for the sense of knowing to arrive.
The right word will make itself felt in your consciousness. And when it does, embrace it.
Place reminders anywhere it feels right and appropriate to do so—your bathroom mirror, fridge door, car dashboard, inside your hall door.
Make it your screen-saver.
If you have an altar, place it there. You’ll find plenty of online stores where you can purchase lovely paraphanalia with your word engraved on it, but it would be better to make your own.
Of course, notes and trinkets aren’t essential. The important thing is that we use our word—all the time. Anytime you’re feeling challenged, use your word as a mantra to help shift and re-focus your energy. Ask yourself, “What would ______ do?”
Words are powerful.
Words consciously injected with specific intentions for growth and expansion can help us shift our energy. Our own words can move us from a place of self-sabotage to a place of self-care, self-worth and self-love.
So, worry not about failed resolutions. Go forth and find your word.
Meditation can be safely and beneficially adopted by most people. But sometimes, it might not be the best course for us.
Mostly people experience an improvement in their mental, emotional and physical health. However, the practice is not suitable for people suffering with schizophreniaor who are going through a psychotic episode.
New evidence is also coming to light that suggests that, while uncommon, meditation can trigger negative experiences in people with no history of mental illness. This is not to cause alarm, but it is important for all meditators, or those considering taking up the practice, to be aware of.
For those suffering from a serious mental health condition:
Consultation with your doctor is vital. Depending on the nature of the illness, sometimes meditation is best avoided rather than practiced.
The reason for this, is that sustained meditation practice can alter our levels of consciousness. And for most people, this is a positive effect—it moves us into the witnessing state, which is the awareness that neutrally observes ourselves in action, while our ego-mind goes about its daily business. For most people, this is an interesting experience which facilitates our spiritual growth.
But for those who struggle to have a firm grasp of our three-dimensional reality, moving into what is termed a “higher state of consciousness” is unhelpful, as it creates confusion about what is real in the material sense.
For the general population who would have no reason to be concerned about taking up meditation:
During meditation, we release pent-up stress from our bodies. This includes repressed emotions, some of which may have been stored in our bodies for many years. The safe way to do this is gently and gradually—and a daily practice usually achieves this.
We meditate for the benefits it brings to our mental, physical, and emotional well-being over time. Most people notice an improvement in their moods, reduced anxiety, and greater resilience in the face of stressful situations. If you notice the opposite effects, during or after meditation, it is best to stop the practice and to seek medical help.
In the event that traumatic memories resurface, it is important to address these with appropriate professional support, rather than ignoring them or attempting to re-suppress them.
Another important point to be aware of is that the effects of meditation are amplified when people meditate together in groups.
Again, this is mostly a beneficial effect. However, it can also intensify negative experiences if we are going through a particularly stressful period or if we have significant suppressed trauma.
For this reason, it is unwise to begin your experience of meditation with intense retreats—particularly silent retreats. Ten-day retreats are becoming increasingly popular and often hailed as life-changing events. However, they are hardcore, even for experienced meditators. We’re pretty much guaranteed that lots of sh*t is going to come to the surface for examination, and we need to be sure we’re strong enough to deal with it.
If under any doubt—and especially if we’re being treated for anxiety, depression, or any other mental health issue at the time—we need to ensure the retreat organisers are aware of our needs and have sufficient support in place to deal with difficulties that may arise amongst participants.
We all need to be as respectful of our mental and emotional health as we are of our physical health and realise that they can be equally fragile.
Each of us could potentially develop a mental health condition at any stage in our lives, and we need to be aware of what to look out for and how to deal with issues that arise in the same way we’d be vigilant about our physical health.
With that in mind, following are some general guidelines to consider:
>> Start off with 20-30 minute sessions (or shorter), until you are practiced at comfortably processing uncomfortable emotions that arise.
>> If suffering from depression or anxiety, start with face-to-face classes with a qualified instructor, rather than taking an online course.
>> Inform your teacher of all health issues.
>> Inform your teacher of any uncomfortable experiences that arise during meditation.
>> Avoid week-long or 10-day retreats while new to meditation.
>> If you’re being treated for anxiety, depression, or another mental illness, discuss your intention to learn meditation with your doctor.
>> Pay attention to how you feel during and after meditation. Hopefully, you will have the common experience of increased well-being. If do you have any reason for concern, however, discontinue the practice and seek medical advice.
Have you set yourself some big, hairy, audacious goals for this new year? Or some more gentle and mindful intentions?
Hell bent on “out with the old, in with the new”?
Whatever it is we desire for this year, if we want to invite new experiences and opportunities into our lives, we need to make space for them. All the goal-setting and visualisation in the world won’t make a difference if we don’t actually have the space to welcome in what we’re looking for.
Space in our schedules.
Space in our heads.
Space in our hearts.
And I know you’ll be tired of seeing this all over your newsfeed this month, but the best way to make space is todeclutter. Start with your home, and allow the clearing habit to spread into all areas of your life.
Making physical space in our homes magically helps to open up space in the non-physical (but critical) aspects of our lives.
On the surface, this might seem to be crazy nonsense—but when we accept that everything is interconnected, that our outer world reflects our inner world and our inner world affects our outer world, it makes perfect sense.
Try it and see.
Decluttering our home creates a sense of well-being on all levels. We can physically relax more easily in an environment that is clear and uncluttered—and physical relaxation helps us to release mental and emotional stress.
But on a deeper level, decluttering also helps us to release emotional attachments to people, experiences, and earlier phases of lives. These attachments keep us stuck, hindering us from living fully in the present or moving fully into the future.
Letting goof stuff we’ve been hanging on to for far too long that doesn’t serve us now brings up the emotional attachments to be fully felt.And in fully feeling them, we can let them go.
I don’t know anyone who has done a clearing out of their home and not felt better for it. Yet, I know from my own experience that just the thought of getting started can be overwhelming.
To inspire myself to get going—because once we start, momentum takes over and makes it easier—I often revisit the first book that convinced me to declutter: Clear your Clutter with Feng Shuiby Karen Kingston.
There’s an abundance of other decluttering books to choose from, including Marie Kondo’s hugely popularThe Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up. And there are also lots of online resources. I have joined 30-day e-courses in the past, in which you get a daily prompt to tackle a particular area of your home, and I have found them invaluable. And if you want to really take your time—with the benefit of going extra deep with the clearing—then I recommend signing up for Stephanie Bennett Vogt’s 365-day course, “A Year to Clear What is Holding You Back.”
Whether you take the fast-and-furious or the slow-and-deep route, decluttering is the first step in creating sacred space in our homes. And turning our homes into a sacred sanctuary helps us to create the space in our heads and our hearts to truly welcome in all that we desire. I encourage you to give your goals, resolutions, and intentions the best chance possible by decluttering.
